MOTTTS

so ashley asked me to go to MOTTTS (mothers of tot's to teens) with her a while ago, and i really wanted to but i was nervous to actually go because i didn't know what to expect. well, now that she's my neighbor,(yeah!) she suggested i ride with her. so i went today...and i loved it. i felt so at home and it was my first time. i enjoyed listening to everyone share different ways that God had shown Himself to them the last week or so. it was so encouraging. it just made me think of all the times i've seen Him in my life these last few weeks, and there have been LOTS of times! one girl said that she thinks it's even more special to her when God provides the littlest things you need as opposed to the big miracles because it just proves that He cares about everything in our lives. i totally agree.

anyway...they're going through a book called Creative Corrections, and this week they talked about spanking. we read 3 verses and i loved every one of them because disciplining Elijah has been my main concern lately. he's just so strong-willed and it seems hard to find the right thing to do to get him to understand that when i say "no", i mean NO! anyway...the verse that really spoke to me today was Proverbs 13:24...

"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

i mean, wow! it just made me realize that no matter how hard it is to find something that works with Elijah, if i love him, i'll keep at it until i find the right thing for him...which actually happens to be spanking. i started spanking him this week (just like one time right below his diaper) when he does something wrong after i tell him no, and he starts crying and then stays away from that thing. it has really worked well. i never really thought that discipline meant that i loved him, but it's so true. i want him to have the best life and to be well-liked by others, and how can he if i never discipline him? he would be a crazy kid doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. not only that, but i would hate my life, too! it would be so hard to be in the same house as him! so it's just cool that even the simplest thing like disciplining your child is in the Bible. God really thought of it all, huh? :)

anyway...just thought i'd share that my week DID get better this week! i do feel like God is in control, and it's a lot easier just to leave things in His hands instead of trying to come up with every solution for every problem myself! i'm just gonna see where He takes me, and everything will be okay! thanks for all your encouragement everyone! it is nice to know that people do care and that i'm not alone in this. it's especially cool to know other people have/or are going through this whole deployment thing, too. i can see that there is an end to it and that the sun does come up again! :) i'm really excited for the post i do next year when a.j. is back and i write about all the cool things i got out of this year!! that will be awesome!!

have a great weekend!

furnace

well, our furnace went out last night. it was just the pilot light, so bruce and sue berkey stopped by and fixed it for me, but then it went out again an hour after they left, so i called lechlitner's in wakarusa and they came and fixed it. the guy who fixed it said that i might have to get it replaced because there may be a crack in it, and i asked him how much it would be and he said about 4500 dollars! i couldn't believe it. that's so expensive!!

anyway...i was thinking about it when i got home and just started crying...and i don't think it was really about the furnace as much as the fact that a.j. won't be here this year and if things like that happen, i'm going to have to decide what to do myself...and it just hit me that he's really gone. i mean, i get to see him this weekend but that's it. i am so happy to know he'll come back at the end of the year, but it's a little overwhelming sometimes thinking of running the house and taking care of elijah this whole year without him.

i was talking to emily when i started crying about it and i was telling her that i just can't believe a.j. is really leaving and that pretty soon he will be in kuwait and there's no guarantee how much i'll really get to talk to him then, and that's how i feel connected to him, and she just said God knows exactly what i need to get through this year and He will provide that. i'm just so glad she said that because it's so true. i can worry about whether i'll get to talk to a.j. every day or whether i'll need to get a new furnace or whether i'll be able to go back to school this next semester, but there's no point because God knows exactly what i need and He will provide it. isn't that so encouraging to know?!

anyway...i hear elijah playing when he's supposed to be taking a nap, so i better go check on him. i hope you all have a great week!

snow days...

can you believe it's already snowing?! i went to target with elijah today and got him some snow boots, pants, and a coat. i have been wanting him to see the snow and play in it, but i didn't have any snow stuff for him except for a hat and gloves...which don't even match his snowsuit now, but oh well!! aren't little kids supposed to have mismatched snow outfits?! :)

when we got home i took him out to play in the snow for a while. i didn't bother putting on his gloves and hat because we were only going to walk around in the snow for a little bit. but that was a mistake because when we were about to go inside, elijah fell over into the snow and got so upset because his hands were all wet! so...word of advice...no matter how long or short you will be outside, put gloves and hats on your kids! :)

i got a couple of pictures, but nothing really cute. next time we go out, i'll try again. i was more interested in watching elijah's reaction to the snow! he really liked it! he wasn't sure at first, but then he was wobbling around the whole yard with a big smile on his face!! he's such a cutie!

i'm ready...

this has been such a wonderful week. a.j. didn't work at all this week and we had such a fun time hanging out and just being silly together. we cleaned and organized our house, played with elijah, got a new kitten, took walks, watched movies, took naps together, cuddled, and played games. we had time to really talk about how we were feeling, memories of when we first met, how we're going to get through the year without seeing each other, and how much we are going to miss each other. it has been a sad week, but a great week...and now i feel like i'm ready to conquer this thing...i'm ready for him to leave. i am so proud of him. i believe in the reason we're in iraq, and i know that God is in control of everything. i know that God will be with us both, and that's so comforting. He's our connection this year. i don't want a.j. to leave, but i feel confident that we'll make it and we'll probably be even closer than we even are now.

i had a date night with a.j. tonight. nikki watched elijah for us and we went out to eat at the olive garden. it was really fun. i love spending time with just a.j. he leaves on monday morning, and as much as i don't want him to leave, in a way i'm ready for tuesday to come. i will wake up that morning knowing that a.j. isn't there and i'll start my countdown to when he's coming home again. i really can't wait for this time next year when he'll be either home or close to coming home. that will be so great!

so anyway, if you could keep us in your prayers this weekend, that would be wonderful. we can use all the prayers you can give! :) thanks!

3 more weekends...

well, i haven't blogged lately because i feel like i have NOTHING to blog about!! i have really enjoyed staying home every day with elijah! he seems to like spending all that time with me, too. :) i think i need to start working or going to school soon, though, because he's becoming a momma's boy. and we don't want that! :) actually, i really am planning on going to school this next semester at iusb for secondary education. at this point i'm thinking of becoming an english teacher. i would really like to teach in a middle school. i have to check to see if i still am eligible for my GI bill for being in the army, but a.j. looked at the requirements and i met all of them...plus it said if you were honorably discharged from the army, you can still use your benefits. well, i was, so i am pretty sure i'll get them...and that will pay for my school! yeah!

a.j. and i have been doing a lot of talking about where we want to live when he gets home from iraq. i am pretty sure that soon we're going to put our house up for sale and try to sell it when a.j. is gone this next year. we really want to move to minneapolis. we'll just get an apartment there at first while a.j. finishes school and then we'll talk about what we want to do after that. i'm excited about moving somewhere new with a.j.! it'll be like our first adventure after being married!

a.j. leaves in 3 weeks. it's so wierd. sometimes i think about it and get so sick to my stomach...sometimes i cry...then sometimes i just want it to get here so i can start counting down the days. i just can't imagine what it's going to be like to not have him here. i feel like i will just not enjoy life as much this year because a.j. isn't here. i mean...my favorite part of every day is seeing him. and the weekends are so fun because he's here with me all day! and next year the weekend will just be another day in the week, you know? i just pray that God will give me the strength to not only make it through next year, but to be an encouragement to other's during the year, too...to be able to shine for Christ and glorify Him even on the hardest days. i suppose that's everyone's prayer every day...but when i pray that it really gives me purpose..it gives this year more meaning. i don't know...it's late...i'm tired. i just wanted to update everyone! have a great week!!

new dog...

okay, so a.j. and i have been looking for dogs. it's true. i have really wanted one because i know it will make me feel safer next year with a.j. being gone and elijah and i are at the house by ourselves. so we decided to look for one from the humane society. we found one that we thought was so cute...a boxer/whippet mix dog named Josie. she was about a year and really cute in the face and had really short hair. but another family had applied for her and got her, so we kept looking. we found another boxer mix named Hunter. he is really even cuter in the face and just looks adorable. here...see for yourself...

anyway...we filled out the application and on saturday morning we are heading down to kokomo to look at him and pick him up as long as we all get along! i'm really excited. first of all...elijah loves dogs. second of all...having him there really will make me feel safer. and third of all..when i'm lonely at night next year, i'll have a buddy to cuddle with!

so we're excited and really hoping that it will work out! just wanted to update you guys! :)

oh...and by the way...i LOVE staying home with elijah now! LOVE it!!! he's so cute and i get to be with him all the time now!!

everything is changing...

well, first of all...lana didn't make it through the weekend. i think she was sick or something. it was kinda sad, but i didn't get a chance to become too attached to her because we only had her a few days. a.j. got some really cute pictures of her with elijah, though. maybe i'll put some up.

by the way, i had to put this in here before i forget...i just think it's so cute...elijah pointed at the bananas on the counter this morning and said "nana" like he wanted to eat one! i didn't know he even knew what those were! then i also said okay, say goodbye! and he waved bye bye! i'm just amazed sometimes at what he knows. he is learning so much every day. i love it!

the other news is that i will no longer be working at ascot. things have been really slow and we had a meeting a few weeks ago and our boss said we really needed to cut down our hours more and i said well, i can take a couple days a week off if you want, and then she said well would you be willing to do a voluntary layoff? and i thought about it and talked to a.j. and we decided that would be fine. so i'm not working now...and they'll call me back if things pick back up, but i'm not really counting on it anytime soon. it's kind of overwhelming how much is changing lately, BUT i had been wanting to go to school anyway, and i dont' know if i really ever would have stopped working there if this hadn't happened. and i like the job, but i really really really want to be a teacher, so i wouldn't be completely happy staying there. so i guess this is a good thing!

i'm really excited to get more time with elijah for a couple of months and i'm excited to be home more and be able to be with a.j. whenever he's free...especially since he'll be leaving in less than two months.

plus, karen kingsbury's new book in the sunrise series comes out next week and i'll have plenty of time to read it! friday is my last day at work, so i guess we'll "celebrate?" with the apple festival! i am excited about that!! i love the apple festival and this year elijah can ride rides!!

well, that's about it. here are a few pictures of elijah and lana. and then i'll stick a couple more of my favorites from this week. have a great week!!

everybody...please welcome Miss Lana Maldonado...

well, we have a new addition to our family! a tiny beautiful 6-week baby kitten! okay, so i don't know for sure if she is 6 weeks or not, but she's little and that's our guess. she is really pretty! she is yellow with a white nose, chest, and paws! and she purrs all the time when you're holding her or petting her. i've only known here for about 3 and a half hours, but i can tell you that i'm pretty much falling in love.

a.j. is allergic to cats. but he said i could get one next year when he's gone. well, this kitten was outside of our door at work and we caught her and she's so tiny and bony. she needs a home, so i asked a.j. if i could take her home, and surprisingly he said yes right away! it probably helped that i had sent a picture of me looking sad and needy holding the cute kitten. how could he say no to that? :) but he even named her...her name is Lana. it's a name we really love from the show smallville. ha! but it fits her perfectly because she's girly and kinda prissy. she hates being in a room by herself.

anyway...i just wanted to introduce her to everyone...isn't she pretty?

a whole lot of nothing...

i started working out last friday. i'm doing this hour long video every day except sundays. i really like it and it is such a great workout! i started getting up at 6 to do the video before i go to work. it's such a great feeling to go through my day knowing i worked out! plus, i still have lots of time after work to go on a walk or run or play tennis if i want! i'm excited about that. :)

elijah is imitating EVERYTHING lately! a.j. and i were praying before our meal the other day and after we were done, elijah looked down and started talking....he was praying! it was the cutest thing! and a.j. said something that made me laugh the other day and i hit him on the arm (you know...how girls always do to their husbands/boyfriends), and elijah went up to him and hit him on the arm! i really have to watch what i do now!! i was doing pushups the other day and he got down right next to me and started doing them, too! haha!! he's so funny.

a.j. has to go to minnesota tomorrow until like midnight thursday. he's excited because he's going to stay with his brother roger. i'm excited for him, too. he will be busy all day with army stuff, but it'll be fun at night for him to hang out with roger.

i'm getting excited about fall! i love this cooler weather. i love hooded sweatshirts. and the rain lately has been wonderful. it's nice to have an excuse to just stay in and relax sometimes, isn't it?

i have NOTHING to blog about lately. i'm sure that will change soon enough. just wanted to write an updated post...even though i really didn't say much! hope you all are having a wonderful week!! i can't believe it's already half way over tomorrow! the days are going so fast lately...

what's a mother to do??!!

i was cleaning on saturday getting ready for a.j. to come home, and i changed elijah's diaper and put him in the pack and play so that i could sweep and mop. i went into our office to put some things away, and when i walked back into the living room, i saw that elijah had taken his diaper off and thrown it onto the floor! i looked at him and he was just playing naked, but when he saw me, he stood up and looked down at his naked self then looked at the diaper then looked at me then looked back at his naked self as if to say "are you seeing what i did, mom?" he was so proud of himself for taking off his diaper! what a stinker! i didn't know if i was supposed to scold him or just ignore it! so i just got his bath ready and put him in the bath. i'm just SO glad he's at the age where he knows for a fact that he's doing something wrong but still does it anyway! and he wants to make sure i see it, too! stubborn boy!

complete again...

well, a.j. is home! i'm super happy about it!! :) actually...i was on my way to get him yesterday morning. i was one mile from the north liberty exit...so i was really close to his unit in south bend, and our explorer broke down! i'm not even kidding! i hadn't seen a.j. for 3 weeks and on my way to get him the truck breaks down! luckily, emily was right behind us...but she just kept driving! i guess she was just too excited to see ross! ha! so i had to wait on the side of the road with elijah until emily, ross, and a.j. came back to get me. i was there for about an hour. i have to admit, i did get tears in my eyes because i was SO CLOSE to seeing a.j.!! but i got a huge hug and kiss on the side of the bypass, so i guess that makes up for it! :) we don't know what is wrong with our truck, but my mom and dad are letting us use their car since they are not using it for a while. so it is all working out! :) but i had to laugh that of all the times for my car to break down, it was on my way to see my husband for the first time in 3 weeks!

anyway...now a.j. is home! and it feels so wonderful to have him here. i love him so much and i missed him more than i thought possible! i mean, i KNEW he was coming home in 3 weeks, but it still just seemed to drag on. i think this was an especially hard 3 weeks for me because i realized that was the last time a.j. will be gone overnight until he leaves in november. i can't believe the year has gone so fast. i should feel comforted by that because it means next year will go really fast, but i HATE not having a.j. with me every day. i mean, he's my best friend in the entire world! but i have to give him ENTIRELY to the Lord and trust that God's plans for a.j. are better than my plans for a.j. there is a reason a.j. is leaving...and i know that he will be much safer in the center of God's will in iraq than he will be outside of God's will here. but i am going to miss him. and i guess i'm glad for that. i'm glad i have a husband who i WANT to be with every day. that's a huge blessing!

plus, our reunion after this year is going to be AMAZING!!!! i can't wait to run to him after not seeing him for so long! it will be like getting married all over again!!!!! ;)

elijah was really happy to see a.j.! and all day long he completely forgot about me! haha! seriously...i would try to get him to give me a hug or kiss and he would run by me right to a.j.! i haven't gotten elijah to kiss me on the mouth for a few weeks...a.j. got him to do it seconds after he saw him! what a stinker! it is so cute, though. i took some cute pictures of those two, and also we got a few of the 3 of us. i'll have to post them sometime. maybe tonight!

well...that's it for now! i hope you all have a great week this week!! :) and hopefully next time i post something it will be really exciting!

come home!!!!

i miss my husband. he's been gone for a week and a half and i really think it's about time he came home now. he is in wisconsin for training. i would say it's training for iraq, but now they're being told there's a good chance they'll be going to afghanistan instead. anyway...he comes home on the 24th. i can't wait! he calls me many times throughout the day, but usually i only talk to him for like 5 minutes at a time. last night we talked for an hour! it was so fun! i felt like we were dating again. when we first got home from iraq, a.j. lived in minneapolis, so we would talk for hours every night on the phone! it was nice to talk to him like that again. now that we're married it seems like we never really take the time to talk like that...just about silly stupid things for a long period of time...just the two of us. it was so nice! i want to make a point of having those conversations more often in person! i mean, we always talk about silly things that make us laugh, but usually we're doing other things while we're talking and sometimes it's just nice to be doing nothing together. you know??

when i went to sleep last night, i REALLY missed a.j. because whenever we go upstairs to go to bed, we always end up "fighting" with each other and laughing SO hard!! that's one of the things i'm gonna miss most about a.j. when he's gone...our fun "fights." our room is right next to elijah's so whenever we start laughing we always try to be quiet, which makes us laugh even more! did that ever happen to you when you were younger in church or in class? i remember stephanie and i used to always laugh about something during the sermon and then we'd have to hold in our laughter which made us laugh even harder. i love that!

anyway...i just really miss a.j. today. i want these 3 weeks to be over, but then i don't because after he gets home he only has 2 more drills before he leaves for iraq (or afghanistan), which means there's only 2 more months. ugh...it makes me sick every time i think about him leaving for a year. how am i gonna get through it? i know that God will help me through, don't get me wrong, but man...it just seems crazy overwhelming to think about.

sorry elijah...

yesterday i decided to clean elijah's room (which is upstairs). i put him in his crib and put his clothes away. we were having a great time singing and talking (baby talk, of course). i was pretty much done cleaning so i got elijah out and set him down on the floor. then i saw something i forgot on the chair, so i went to grab it. i turned around and was about to grab elijah's hand when i noticed he wasn't there. i knew immediately that he was going down the stairs. he loves stairs. i didn't want to run because i didn't want to scare him if he was already going down, so i walked fast to try to stop him. right when i was about to grab him, he went head first down the un-carpeted stairs! it was the WORST feeling ever! i couldn't do anything. i could only watch him fall. he landed at the bottom of the stairs in the corner, and started wailing. so i picked him up and he just clung to me, crying. it was so sad. he wouldn't stop for the longest time. i was crying, too, because i felt so bad. what was i THINKING setting him down and then turning my back when i KNEW the stairs were right around the corner and elijah is really fast???!! ugh. i wish i could go back. he had a really big bump on his head right away, but other than that he seemed okay. i took him to my sister's to spend the night, though, just in case. i just needed to hear someone else tell me that he was okay.

i feel like i got a glimpse of what my life is going to be like having a child last night. i can do my best to protect him and prepare him for life, but in the end he is going to do what he chooses to do. he's going to make his own decisions, and some of them are not going to be good ones. i'm going to watch him fall many times in his life, but i guess as his mom my job is just to be there to help pick him back up. i need to hold him and love him and try my best to steer him in the right direction. and there are times when i'm going to make mistakes just like last night. i just hope that i can trust God to guide me on how to best parent elijah. i want him to know that it's okay to fall, but when he does, he needs to get up and try again. and i hope he always learns from his mistakes...even though most of us don't the first, second, or third time! having a child is such a huge responsibility. i mean, i knew that of course, but it just hits me more and more as elijah grows older that i need to be careful with what i say around him, how i act around him, and how i treat him and others. i want to be a good example for my baby.

anyway...that's my story! hope you all are having a great week! :)

always there, always willing to show us grace

the women of faith conference was really amazing this weekend. i learned so much. i definitely think sheila walsh was my favorite speaker, but i did really like what sandy patty had to say as well. her message probably hit me the most because she was talking about her self image and how she's finally so happy and joyful on the inside that she is ready now to look as good on the outside as she feels on the inside. it was just such motivation for me to really stay strong on exercising and to eat a lot better. i have felt so bad about the way i look ever since elijah was born...and now i feel like i finally have the right motivation. my body does not reflect how i feel inside right now...i want to look as beautiful on the outside as i feel on the inside. and i need to take care of myself...both physically and spiritually. the only way i'll be able to lose weight is if i have God's help. anyway...i'm excited about that.

another thing that really hit me was this skit that nichole johnson did. it showed how the tongue is a flame and it can destroy your family and the people around you if you don't control it. that hit me because sometimes when i'm angry i just say things in a mean way or just say things i shouldn't say. when sheila walsh was summing up the weekend at the end of the conference, she said that as women we have the peculiar ability to determine the temperature of our home, whether it be a home of love or a home of hurt and anger. we need to be careful with our tongues. i definitely want our home to be a home of love...a home of encouragement. i want to respect my husband enough to be loving to him even when i'm angry. and i want my kids to always feel encouraged and never hurt or belittled. it's hard to control your tongue when you're angry, but i know that with God's help i can definitely do it!

and my favorite thing in the conference was when lucy swindol said that as humans we are prone to wander. our hearts are always going to want to wander from the Lord. that's a perfectly normal things for humans. i wander so often from God. sometimes i will be really on fire for Him and wanting to spend all my time thinking about Him and spending time with Him, and other times i will have a hard time reading my Bible or praying. but regardless of how far we've strayed, God is ALWAYS there...He NEVER leaves us or forsakes us. He loves us no matter what. isn't that such a wonderful thing to be reminded of? i need to hear that for sure. He is the only one who never leaves us. Lucy said that grace makes us feel surprised, unworthy, and thrilled because we don't deserve it. how true! we do not deserve it, but it's wonderful that God gives us infinite grace. it's always there.

i felt from the very start that God wanted to speak to me because during the first prayer the lady prayed for those who were serving our country outside the country. it made me feel like God wanted to remind me that He is protecting His people serving in iraq. and just because a.j. is leaving me for a year, he's not leaving God! God is going with Him! and He's also staying with me! it makes me feel like there is really going to be such a connection with a.j. and i because we will be linked by God. and He's going to protect a.j. and He has a.j.'s best interest at hand. He loves a.j. more than i ever could...so i don't have to be scared for him. i feel completely at peace now with him going. whatever happens will be God's plan...and God's plan is perfect!

i'm sure there's a lot more that i learned that i can't think of right now. and if i didn't describe this well enough, i'm sorry. just know that i had an amazing time and that i felt God's presence with me this weekend!

plus, when i came home last night, a.j. gave me the HUGEST hug and kiss, and then when elijah saw me, he RAN to me and hugged me really tight!!! it was the best welcome home ever! :) i'm blessed!!

God has something for me...

I have been wanting to go the Woman of Faith Conference so much. I've heard a lot about it on the radio. I had thought about going, but then decided that I really shouldn't spend that much money right now. Well, Jessica called today saying that she had a FREE ticket! I was so excited! I just feel like God really has something special to teach me this weekend. I haven't been feeling on fire lately. Maybe this is just what I need. Maybe I just need some time just for God...to hear what He has for me...to just reconnect with Him and let Him totally consume my life again. I know you don't need a conference to do that, but I just can't help feeling that He is going to move in my life so much through this. I'm excited!!!

A.J. leaves for Wisconsin on Monday. He'll be gone until the 24th of August. I'm gonna miss him, but at least it's not time for him to leave for Iraq yet! So I'm not too sad about it. It's coming up fast, though. He leaves November 7th. That's only a little over 3 months away...and one of those months he'll be gone. It's wierd. We found out about this about 8 months ago, and then it didn't seem like it would ever really get here. Now it seems like it's coming too fast! I don't really like to talk about it too much because I don't want people thinking that I am feeling sorry for myself. I'm not. I know the year will go fast, and before I know it he'll be back home! I guess I am just thinking about it more and more because it's almost time for him to leave.

Anyway...Elijah likes tennis. I think he's going to win Wimbledon some day. Okay, so he hasn't even held a raquet, BUT he's a great ball boy! He always runs after the balls and brings them to us when A.J. and I are playing. It's cute. Well, pretty much EVERYTHING he does is cute to me lately. I love him. I'm really glad that A.J. and I had him!

Well, I know this isn't the most exciting first post, but still...at least it's something!

I thought I would try to write on this blog instead of xanga now. I like to blog about my life, but no one reads xanga anymore! Maybe this will be more fun! I'll post a real post soon!