what's a mother to do??!!

i was cleaning on saturday getting ready for a.j. to come home, and i changed elijah's diaper and put him in the pack and play so that i could sweep and mop. i went into our office to put some things away, and when i walked back into the living room, i saw that elijah had taken his diaper off and thrown it onto the floor! i looked at him and he was just playing naked, but when he saw me, he stood up and looked down at his naked self then looked at the diaper then looked at me then looked back at his naked self as if to say "are you seeing what i did, mom?" he was so proud of himself for taking off his diaper! what a stinker! i didn't know if i was supposed to scold him or just ignore it! so i just got his bath ready and put him in the bath. i'm just SO glad he's at the age where he knows for a fact that he's doing something wrong but still does it anyway! and he wants to make sure i see it, too! stubborn boy!

complete again...

well, a.j. is home! i'm super happy about it!! :) actually...i was on my way to get him yesterday morning. i was one mile from the north liberty exit...so i was really close to his unit in south bend, and our explorer broke down! i'm not even kidding! i hadn't seen a.j. for 3 weeks and on my way to get him the truck breaks down! luckily, emily was right behind us...but she just kept driving! i guess she was just too excited to see ross! ha! so i had to wait on the side of the road with elijah until emily, ross, and a.j. came back to get me. i was there for about an hour. i have to admit, i did get tears in my eyes because i was SO CLOSE to seeing a.j.!! but i got a huge hug and kiss on the side of the bypass, so i guess that makes up for it! :) we don't know what is wrong with our truck, but my mom and dad are letting us use their car since they are not using it for a while. so it is all working out! :) but i had to laugh that of all the times for my car to break down, it was on my way to see my husband for the first time in 3 weeks!

anyway...now a.j. is home! and it feels so wonderful to have him here. i love him so much and i missed him more than i thought possible! i mean, i KNEW he was coming home in 3 weeks, but it still just seemed to drag on. i think this was an especially hard 3 weeks for me because i realized that was the last time a.j. will be gone overnight until he leaves in november. i can't believe the year has gone so fast. i should feel comforted by that because it means next year will go really fast, but i HATE not having a.j. with me every day. i mean, he's my best friend in the entire world! but i have to give him ENTIRELY to the Lord and trust that God's plans for a.j. are better than my plans for a.j. there is a reason a.j. is leaving...and i know that he will be much safer in the center of God's will in iraq than he will be outside of God's will here. but i am going to miss him. and i guess i'm glad for that. i'm glad i have a husband who i WANT to be with every day. that's a huge blessing!

plus, our reunion after this year is going to be AMAZING!!!! i can't wait to run to him after not seeing him for so long! it will be like getting married all over again!!!!! ;)

elijah was really happy to see a.j.! and all day long he completely forgot about me! haha! seriously...i would try to get him to give me a hug or kiss and he would run by me right to a.j.! i haven't gotten elijah to kiss me on the mouth for a few weeks...a.j. got him to do it seconds after he saw him! what a stinker! it is so cute, though. i took some cute pictures of those two, and also we got a few of the 3 of us. i'll have to post them sometime. maybe tonight!

well...that's it for now! i hope you all have a great week this week!! :) and hopefully next time i post something it will be really exciting!

come home!!!!

i miss my husband. he's been gone for a week and a half and i really think it's about time he came home now. he is in wisconsin for training. i would say it's training for iraq, but now they're being told there's a good chance they'll be going to afghanistan instead. anyway...he comes home on the 24th. i can't wait! he calls me many times throughout the day, but usually i only talk to him for like 5 minutes at a time. last night we talked for an hour! it was so fun! i felt like we were dating again. when we first got home from iraq, a.j. lived in minneapolis, so we would talk for hours every night on the phone! it was nice to talk to him like that again. now that we're married it seems like we never really take the time to talk like that...just about silly stupid things for a long period of time...just the two of us. it was so nice! i want to make a point of having those conversations more often in person! i mean, we always talk about silly things that make us laugh, but usually we're doing other things while we're talking and sometimes it's just nice to be doing nothing together. you know??

when i went to sleep last night, i REALLY missed a.j. because whenever we go upstairs to go to bed, we always end up "fighting" with each other and laughing SO hard!! that's one of the things i'm gonna miss most about a.j. when he's gone...our fun "fights." our room is right next to elijah's so whenever we start laughing we always try to be quiet, which makes us laugh even more! did that ever happen to you when you were younger in church or in class? i remember stephanie and i used to always laugh about something during the sermon and then we'd have to hold in our laughter which made us laugh even harder. i love that!

anyway...i just really miss a.j. today. i want these 3 weeks to be over, but then i don't because after he gets home he only has 2 more drills before he leaves for iraq (or afghanistan), which means there's only 2 more months. ugh...it makes me sick every time i think about him leaving for a year. how am i gonna get through it? i know that God will help me through, don't get me wrong, but man...it just seems crazy overwhelming to think about.

sorry elijah...

yesterday i decided to clean elijah's room (which is upstairs). i put him in his crib and put his clothes away. we were having a great time singing and talking (baby talk, of course). i was pretty much done cleaning so i got elijah out and set him down on the floor. then i saw something i forgot on the chair, so i went to grab it. i turned around and was about to grab elijah's hand when i noticed he wasn't there. i knew immediately that he was going down the stairs. he loves stairs. i didn't want to run because i didn't want to scare him if he was already going down, so i walked fast to try to stop him. right when i was about to grab him, he went head first down the un-carpeted stairs! it was the WORST feeling ever! i couldn't do anything. i could only watch him fall. he landed at the bottom of the stairs in the corner, and started wailing. so i picked him up and he just clung to me, crying. it was so sad. he wouldn't stop for the longest time. i was crying, too, because i felt so bad. what was i THINKING setting him down and then turning my back when i KNEW the stairs were right around the corner and elijah is really fast???!! ugh. i wish i could go back. he had a really big bump on his head right away, but other than that he seemed okay. i took him to my sister's to spend the night, though, just in case. i just needed to hear someone else tell me that he was okay.

i feel like i got a glimpse of what my life is going to be like having a child last night. i can do my best to protect him and prepare him for life, but in the end he is going to do what he chooses to do. he's going to make his own decisions, and some of them are not going to be good ones. i'm going to watch him fall many times in his life, but i guess as his mom my job is just to be there to help pick him back up. i need to hold him and love him and try my best to steer him in the right direction. and there are times when i'm going to make mistakes just like last night. i just hope that i can trust God to guide me on how to best parent elijah. i want him to know that it's okay to fall, but when he does, he needs to get up and try again. and i hope he always learns from his mistakes...even though most of us don't the first, second, or third time! having a child is such a huge responsibility. i mean, i knew that of course, but it just hits me more and more as elijah grows older that i need to be careful with what i say around him, how i act around him, and how i treat him and others. i want to be a good example for my baby.

anyway...that's my story! hope you all are having a great week! :)

always there, always willing to show us grace

the women of faith conference was really amazing this weekend. i learned so much. i definitely think sheila walsh was my favorite speaker, but i did really like what sandy patty had to say as well. her message probably hit me the most because she was talking about her self image and how she's finally so happy and joyful on the inside that she is ready now to look as good on the outside as she feels on the inside. it was just such motivation for me to really stay strong on exercising and to eat a lot better. i have felt so bad about the way i look ever since elijah was born...and now i feel like i finally have the right motivation. my body does not reflect how i feel inside right now...i want to look as beautiful on the outside as i feel on the inside. and i need to take care of myself...both physically and spiritually. the only way i'll be able to lose weight is if i have God's help. anyway...i'm excited about that.

another thing that really hit me was this skit that nichole johnson did. it showed how the tongue is a flame and it can destroy your family and the people around you if you don't control it. that hit me because sometimes when i'm angry i just say things in a mean way or just say things i shouldn't say. when sheila walsh was summing up the weekend at the end of the conference, she said that as women we have the peculiar ability to determine the temperature of our home, whether it be a home of love or a home of hurt and anger. we need to be careful with our tongues. i definitely want our home to be a home of love...a home of encouragement. i want to respect my husband enough to be loving to him even when i'm angry. and i want my kids to always feel encouraged and never hurt or belittled. it's hard to control your tongue when you're angry, but i know that with God's help i can definitely do it!

and my favorite thing in the conference was when lucy swindol said that as humans we are prone to wander. our hearts are always going to want to wander from the Lord. that's a perfectly normal things for humans. i wander so often from God. sometimes i will be really on fire for Him and wanting to spend all my time thinking about Him and spending time with Him, and other times i will have a hard time reading my Bible or praying. but regardless of how far we've strayed, God is ALWAYS there...He NEVER leaves us or forsakes us. He loves us no matter what. isn't that such a wonderful thing to be reminded of? i need to hear that for sure. He is the only one who never leaves us. Lucy said that grace makes us feel surprised, unworthy, and thrilled because we don't deserve it. how true! we do not deserve it, but it's wonderful that God gives us infinite grace. it's always there.

i felt from the very start that God wanted to speak to me because during the first prayer the lady prayed for those who were serving our country outside the country. it made me feel like God wanted to remind me that He is protecting His people serving in iraq. and just because a.j. is leaving me for a year, he's not leaving God! God is going with Him! and He's also staying with me! it makes me feel like there is really going to be such a connection with a.j. and i because we will be linked by God. and He's going to protect a.j. and He has a.j.'s best interest at hand. He loves a.j. more than i ever could...so i don't have to be scared for him. i feel completely at peace now with him going. whatever happens will be God's plan...and God's plan is perfect!

i'm sure there's a lot more that i learned that i can't think of right now. and if i didn't describe this well enough, i'm sorry. just know that i had an amazing time and that i felt God's presence with me this weekend!

plus, when i came home last night, a.j. gave me the HUGEST hug and kiss, and then when elijah saw me, he RAN to me and hugged me really tight!!! it was the best welcome home ever! :) i'm blessed!!