I was thinking about how much I love Elijah today. I know that sounds wierd...who really sits around thinking about how much they love someone...but it's what I do sometimes. I love him more than I ever thought possible. It's wierd because when you're a parent, you love your child in such a different way than you love anyone else. I love AJ so much because he's an amazing person and I was captivated by him right when I met him, but I have such expectations of him. I feel like I'm disappointed when he lets me down, even though I quickly get over it and realize it's not a big deal. I get disappointed in a lot of people at times because I feel like they should act differently or treat me differently, but I shouldn't have those expectations of people. That's not right. No one is perfect, and no one is supposed to be perfect...people make mistakes. The only perfect One is God, and I shouldn't have expectations from Him either because I don't ever want to put him in a box...He is the only One who will ever exceed my expectations every single time. It's amazing...and I'm so grateful to know Him and to have a relationship with Him!
Anyway, back to what I was saying...I was thinking about how much I love Elijah. I don't have the same sort of expectations for Elijah that I do with other people. He makes mistakes probably more than anyone else in my life, yet I never feel let down by him. It's like I just realize that he will make mistakes and that's okay. It is easier for me to show him grace than anyone else in my life. He's 3, so he is learning how to live life. He's learning what behavior is acceptable and what isn't. He's learning the things he should or shouldn't say to people. He's learning to live! Every time I look at him, my heart is FULL with love. So, I guess that's how I love him differently than anyone else.
I was also thinking about Aliyah. I haven't even met her yet, but I feel like I'm already getting a glimpse of her personality in the way she kicks or moves or reacts to people touching my tummy. I'm so excited to see what she looks like and to just really get to know her, but it just doesn't seem possible to love her as much as I love Elijah. That sounds bad, I know, but I just can't see how I can have that much love to give. And sometimes I wonder if loving another child will take away from loving Elijah. Everyone tells me that it is possible to love all your children as much as each other, so I know that will happen. But when I really think about how much I love Elijah, it just seems impossible! Luckily, God makes the impossible possible, and I know I will love her just as much as Elijah and that won't take anything away from Elijah. I'm excited to see for myself how this happens. It excited me to think about loving another little child as much as I love Elijah! I'm so blessed already with the perfect husband for me and the perfect son for me...and it overwhelms me to think I am also being blessed with the perfect daughter for me! Praise the Lord for His blessings! I do not deserve them, but I am very thankful for them!! :)
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3 comments:
Omgosh, it's so true...you will be just as overcome by your love for Aliyah as you are by your love for Elijah! It's amazing how that works. This is how I try to explain it to our kids if they ask who I love the most...I say, well do you love your dad or your mom more? And then they get it...that they can be loved the same amount, but in different ways because they're different people. God is so amazing...He gives us such a great capacity to love, but we don't even come close to feeling how much He loves US!! Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :)
Actually, I also literally sit around a LOT of times thinking how much I love Mark, Nick, Hailey, or even Macaronious! Daily the love grows and it is so amazing to see how it changes over time. I love Nick JUST as much as I did when he was Elijah's age, just in a totally different way. Same with Hailey. Even with Mark. When I look at how much I loved Mark in the beginning... well it totally pales in comparison to how I feel now! God giving us the opportunity to love others just a tiny portion of how much he loves us is just fabulous!
aw, dont forget God made a perfect friend for you too...ME! hehehe
i totally understand you. I think its easy to expect certain things from people but when it comes to your babies, you just love them, so unconditionally. I also think, how could i love another baby as much as i love lila, but i know i will. Aw, you are gonna love both of your little cuties so much in different ways, but kinda the same, the unconditional kinda way :)
love ya, miss ya, can't wait to see you soon :)
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