being a single mom is hard!

This was a stressful week. The thing is that I don't even know why it WAS so stressful. It was the week before Spring Break, so my classes were very easy this week. But on Wednesday night I had a little bit of a breakdown! All night I was just so tired and Elijah was being normal Elijah...he wasn't more grumpy than usual, he wasn't more needy than usual...just normal Lij, but I was so frustrated with him the whole night. It's not like I was mean to him or anything, but you know that feeling when you're frustrated and you can feel it building up inside like you're going to explode or something? That's how I felt. I called Stephanie after I had put Elijah to bed and just started crying. I felt stupid but I am really glad I called her. I guess I just needed to vent. She prayed with me and it encouraged me so much. Then the next day when I brought Elijah to my sister-in-law Christi's I asked if she would want to watch him for a few more hours or over night so I could get the house cleaned without worrying about Elijah. She was so nice and said yes! So I had a whole night to myself. I cleaned the house and right when I was done I felt better. I feel like I'm not doing a good job at keeping up with the housework at all. But when I get home from school I usually just want to play with Elijah, work out, and then relax. But I need to clean more.

I think I just started feeling overwhelmed this week because AJ isn't here. He helps out so much when he's home. And it's not like he really helps clean the house...I normally do that (although sometimes he will clean for me which I think is so sweet), but when I'm cleaning he will play with Elijah and keep him occupied so I can totally focus on cleaning and get the house cleaned quickly and move on to fun stuff. It's the little things that AJ used to help me with that I really miss the most. I just COMPLETELY understand why God wants us to wait to have sex before we're married because sex can lead to getting pregnant and being a parent is a two person job! Even though we just have Elijah, it is so much better with the two of us!

I can see a lot of positive things about this deployment. I see that God is really working in our marriage and showing us just how much we love each other. I have grown to respect AJ so much and I have really started to understand and accept that HE is the head of the household, and I want him to be that! But this week I have really started to see how much AJ helps me with parenting. I knew he did, but I didn't realize how much because he was always here. He is the best partner I could have parenting Elijah. I used to get frustrated a little bit because I felt like he was the fun parent...he didn't really have to discipline Elijah too much...but now that he's gone I can see how important it is for Elijah to have that "fun" parent. I can see how important it is for ME for Elijah to have AJ as the fun parent, too!

Anyway, after my night away from Elijah I feel totally refreshed and ready to be his mom again! :) I was really excited to see him the next morning! And I really do love him and feel so blessed that he's my son. What a great son!

I will leave you with Elijah's newest "trick"..haha...Whenever he bumps into something or falls or something...I always say "Are you okay?" and kiss his boo boo. Well now when he bumps into something or falls, HE says "you kay?" and then come over and has me kiss his boo boos himself! I love it! He is learning so many new things! He's so cute! :)